I hate myself!

I hate myself. . .

for not being able to tell her that i still love her.
for being so timid.
for having a low confidence problem.


Why is it that i always have a problem with telling girls i like about how i feel about them? I always had this problem, most of you may think i'm actually faking it because i have 7 girlfriends before. BUT, in 6 of the 7 relationships, only 1 was initiated by me. The other 6 were love confessed to me.

Why am i so low in confidence? Why is it that when i go onto the streets, i even see guys uglier and still have a girlfriend? I think i'm always a very timid guy who never takes much risk. I fear of failing. I fear of getting rejected. . . Inside this smiling mask you see everyday, there's sorrow and problems which never surfaced till recently. . .

For the past 3 days, i wanted to tell her that i still love her, despite us being not together for 2 years. But i dare not even lift up my finger call her or just to type a simple message. I feel so useless. . .


Anyway, my birthday is approaching. My father, out of nowhere, decided to sponsor me with $300 for a chalet. . . So no more barbecue pits only, got a chalet to squeeze into.


Tonight i'll bare my feelings to her. I shall tell her that i still LOVE her. . .


Love Me, Hate Me.